This blog entry marks 30 consecutive blog posts in (about) 30 days. Some days I have doubled or tripled up! My goal is to create 90 blog posts in 90 days, finishing on December 31, 2018. Why 90 days? That’s the time it takes to really create a habit on consistency, of taking my work seriously, of getting in to something so deep that it becomes a part of my life that I enjoy and can’t live without!
So, from the heart, how am I feeling about 30 days of blogs? I feel lots of feelings! Maybe all the feels! It feels like an awesome accomplishment, and something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I LOVE to write, absolutely love it, and I often don’t give myself enough time or attention to spend moments doing what I truly love. I’m proud of myself, proud that I have accomplished this. I’m 1/3 of the way to my goal! And that’s a pretty good feeling overall, to know that I have stuck to what I said I was going to do, and so far I have done it and I don’t want to stop.
Ok, how else am I feeling? It’s totally possible to feel completely differing, even opposite feelings at once. Because I feel annoyed with this challenge! I spend so much time on it every day. And I haven’t quite changed my life around to fit this in to my life yet. That whole “it takes 21 days to start a habit”? Yeah, don’t believe it anymore, AT ALL! I still struggle every day to get my blog post in. Some days it is fun and I’m in the flow and enjoying it. Other days it feels like pulling teeth. I’m at a loss for what to write, it’s taking forever to get the post done, and if I add anything besides text, it-takes-a-really-long-time. I don’t have a specific time a day that I sit down to blog because my days are all different. As a yoga teacher and fitness instructor, no two days are alike! I try to blog most days after lunch, and that has worked out ok for the most part, but it’s not always the most convenient. Sometimes I need to do laundry, or go to the grocery store, or I have an acupuncture appointment, or an appointment with my grief counselor, so consistency is not always there for me to count on.
What else I’m struggling with, is finding time to actually EXPLORE what I want to blog about, because I’m spending so much time on the actual damn blog, and that’s what I’m doing instead of figuring out what to blog about. I have to be honest, some days have been quite a stretch. And this aspect of the blogging challenge has really frustrated me, it has left me feeling hard on myself, feeling like a loser, and feeling like I can’t really accomplish what I set out to do because I’m just not good enough.
When I took a closer look at this, I realized it’s really my time leaks. It’s what I’m choosing to do with my time that is creating these feelings in me, not the actual blogging itself. When I first started the blog challenge, I wrote down what I did in 30 min increments for a week, and then I loved it so much that I did it for another week. I stayed off of social media and mindless activities because I did not want to write it down! I didn’t want to show myself what I was wasting my time doing! Well, that lasted for a few weeks and then went down the drain. I became too confident, telling myself that I can keep track of my time and I don’t need to write it down. And guess what happened, my time management slipped away, quite easily. I tried blaming it on being alone all day long (unless I’m teaching a class, I’m flying solo), not having deadlines and anyone to hold me accountable to what I am doing. But I don’t really believe myself when I mentally word vomit up those excuses. I realize they are limited beliefs expressing themselves to keep me safe and to keep me from being even harder on myself.
So where does this leave me now? Back to keeping track of the time!! Oh it’s a pain, it really is. Growth is such a pain! But I refuse to live any other way. And I have hope that one day this blogging challenge will get really fun, and that I’ll start to explore some incredible things that are really worth sharing. Because I kind of feel like I gave it all, and after only 30 days, I’m not sure what I have left! If I keep reminding myself that I’m keeping track of my time to free up time, and to really own my day and feel like I’m winning at life, that’s pretty motivating. Not every day is going to be great, even with being more mindful about how I’m spending my time. And that’s ok, because it’s all for learning.
This experience is so interesting because it’s really not about the blogging at all. It’s about creating a life that I truly align with, the life that I honestly want to live. And what shows up as obstacles during this blogging challenge, are what I need to move through and overcome, in order to have that life that flows, that feels good, that is fulfilling, meaningful and joyful. What I need to learn will keep showing up. I’ll try to keep an open mind, go a little easier on myself, and meditate on what the big learning really is. Because it’s not about sharing a blog everyday, even though that’s what it looks like on the outside.
My takeaways so far …
Consistency is hard and doesn’t always feel amazing, even when you are doing what you say you’re going to do. Do it anyway for the teachings and learnings.
Keeping track of my time is one of the best uses of my time everyday
Excuses are just limitations we put on ourselves
Desire is not enough to get you there, it takes action, daily action
I have no idea what I’m going to blog about next, and that’s ok